| What
is sexual orientation?
Sexual
orientation is determined by the sex or sexes you are romantically,
physically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to. Heterosexuals
are individuals attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals are
individuals who are attracted to the same sex, while bisexuals
are people who are attracted to both sexes. Homosexual men are
usually referred to as gay while homosexual women are referred
to as lesbians.
What
if I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is?
Discovering
your sexual orientation can sometimes be confusing. Most people
don't just wake up one day and decide their sexual orientation.
It takes time and it is normal not to be sure. Experimentation
is natural - as long as you look out for the safety of yourself
and others. You may want to date individuals of the opposite sex
or you may decide to date those of the same sex. Exploration doesn't
determine your sexual orientation, it just helps to discover your
feelings.
Do
I have to have sex to know?
No!
You don't have to have sex to know if you're heterosexual, homosexual,
or bisexual. Some people never have sex in their entire life,
but they know their sexual orientation. It's better to wait until
you're emotionally ready and you find someone you care about.
Sex can create more confusion then it can resolve. There are many
ways to share intimacy with someone you care about, such as talking,
spending time together, hugging, kissing, massaging, and holding
hands. If you decide to have sex, it is important to remember
to protect yourself and your partner and practice safer sex.
Recognizing
and accepting that you are gay or lesbian
Some
people recognize that they are gay early in their lives while
others do not become aware of their own gayness until much later
in life due to the many pressures society puts on us to follow
a heterosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately our society still teaches
us that same sex attractions are negative and makes it difficult
for one to explore his or her own sexuality.
Why
am I gay?
You
may ask yourself "why am I gay" but no one really knows
the answer to this question. There are many theories as to why
some individuals are orientated towards homosexuality rather than
heterosexuality but they are only speculations at this point in
time. Most of these theories follow three approaches: 1) nature
2) nurture and 3) a combination of both nature and nurture.
The
basis behind the nature theory for homosexuality is that individuals
are born with a certain genetic makeup which predetermines their
sexual orientation. The nurture theory believes that one's environment
and experiences can predetermine one's sexual orientation. Other
scientists believe that homosexuality is a result of both nature
and nurture. The question you must ask yourself is why is it important
to determine why you are homosexual? No one asks why heterosexuals
are "straight".
Inner
conflict...
In
the process of discovering your sexual orientation, there are
many feelings you may experience as you develop self-acceptance.
Because the world is still relatively hostile and prejudice towards
gays and lesbians it is not uncommon to feel confused, isolated,
lonely, guilty or depressed.
Unfortunately
many societies make us want to hide our homosexuality and as a
result we end up living double lives and denying who we really
are. Experiencing these feelings is normal. However, some feelings
like depression, low self esteem and suicide thoughts indicate
you need some professional help in learning about yourself.
"Coming
out of the closet"
Coming
out of the closet is the term we apply to one's acceptance that
he or she is gay or lesbian. Self-acceptance is the first step
in coming out. After you feel comfortable with your own sexuality
or gender identity it may become important to you to tell other
people about you, such as your parents. This decision is a process
that only you can decide and guide.
You
may want and decide to come out to others when you feel you are
emotionally ready and feel that it is a safe time. The time to
come out to others depends on how strong you feel about yourself
and how much support you need from those who care about you. The
best person to come out to is someone you trust the most: someone
you know will not tell others and someone who will not hurt you.
Coming out does provide you with a healthier self-esteem as you
allow yourself to share your "secret" about your sexual
orientation or gender identity with the people you care about.
Just remember that coming out doesn't solve all of your problems
and is a life long process.
One
thing to keep in mind is that while we would like everyone in
the world to be open and accepting, the truth is that there will
always be some people who don't understand. However, there are
also people you can count on - these are the ones to whom you
should talk.
I
think I have something to tell you...
If
you are feeling guilt, fear, or worried about your personal safety,
then it may not be the right time to come out. If you feel that
you are ready, then there may be some other things you should
consider. If you are thinking of telling your family, you may
want to think about the following questions (suggested by Pollack
and Schwartz in their book, The Journey Out - A guide for and
about lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens):How well do you know
your parents?
- How close
are you to your parents?
- How comfortable
are you with your sexual orientation?
-
How
has your family dealt with political, religious, and social
issues in the past?
-
Is
the timing right to come out?
- Are you
economically and emotionally dependent on your parents?
-
How safe are you in your home?
-
Do you have a support system for yourself?
-
How much information do you have, and are you able to share
it with your parents?
Everyone's
parents are different. Some parents are accepting and open-minded.
You have spent your life learning about them - what their values
are and how they respond to different issues. In the past you
may have shared your feelings with them. You may love your parents
but you may have learned not to trust them with personal matters.
You
may want to consider when it would be the best to come out to
your family. Holidays are usually a stressful and emotional time
- and this may not be the best time. If you are hoping to receive
financial help for education past high school, then it may be
best to wait. You may decide not to tell them at all - this is
okay too.
How
do I meet other lesbians and gays?
You
will find gay and lesbians everywhere - in your math class, on the
basketball team, at the mall, etc. Some young people have found
that once they come out to one member of the GLBT community, they
are quickly able to meet others. Gay and lesbian youth groups and
support groups may be available in your school or community. In
Central Ohio, Kaleidoscope is the community center especially for
young people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning
their sexual orientation. |
